Jx3Aroo
26-12-2007, 01:45
I came across this and thought i should post it, since it gave me a good lol. :20:
---------
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story, so that
you may learn from my error.
It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting. No, I
was not constipated; this was not a regular problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my arse-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were
constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my arsecheeks.
It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to
drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper
and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision
to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no
way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and
hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached
its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be
a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right?
So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow
out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself.
It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements:
"How many indians could there be?" said by General Custer.
"Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK.
"There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech.
Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a
cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on.
Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began
the arduous process of ridding my arse of hair.
Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and
miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel.
Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the
hairless cheeks of a newborn babe.
Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work.
The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My arse was smooth as ivory.
I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair.
Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in
existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how
much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction.
I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class.
After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to
notice something unpleasant.
The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant
sensation of my two arsecheeks sliding past each other with every step.
I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class.
Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic
****-molecules lingering around my brown starfish.
When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy
sticky ****/sweat combination.
As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch.
God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack.
Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I
rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached
my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads.
I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my arse off by sticking it
in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.
As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room.
Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl.
I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into
the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving.
And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my arse cheeks spread and dripping,
with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of
my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this
until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my arse at every
opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for arse-hair.
Ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.
Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed
together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down
between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring
further torture.
As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing
in, it comes in as stubble.
Imagine your arse having the texture of a brillo pad.
Well,that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there
are many times when I just look out the window and comtemplate why
shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than
endure this constant agony.
Friends- DON'T SHAVE YOUR ARSE-HAIR!
from: http://www.sideburns.co.uk/extra/shaving/
---------
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story, so that
you may learn from my error.
It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting. No, I
was not constipated; this was not a regular problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my arse-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were
constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my arsecheeks.
It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to
drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper
and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision
to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no
way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and
hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached
its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be
a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right?
So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow
out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself.
It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements:
"How many indians could there be?" said by General Custer.
"Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK.
"There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech.
Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a
cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on.
Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began
the arduous process of ridding my arse of hair.
Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and
miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel.
Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the
hairless cheeks of a newborn babe.
Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work.
The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My arse was smooth as ivory.
I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair.
Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in
existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how
much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction.
I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class.
After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to
notice something unpleasant.
The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant
sensation of my two arsecheeks sliding past each other with every step.
I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class.
Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic
****-molecules lingering around my brown starfish.
When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy
sticky ****/sweat combination.
As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch.
God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack.
Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I
rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached
my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads.
I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my arse off by sticking it
in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.
As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room.
Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl.
I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into
the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving.
And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my arse cheeks spread and dripping,
with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of
my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this
until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my arse at every
opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for arse-hair.
Ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.
Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed
together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down
between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring
further torture.
As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing
in, it comes in as stubble.
Imagine your arse having the texture of a brillo pad.
Well,that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there
are many times when I just look out the window and comtemplate why
shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than
endure this constant agony.
Friends- DON'T SHAVE YOUR ARSE-HAIR!
from: http://www.sideburns.co.uk/extra/shaving/